So a social worker just dropped off a new placement... now what?!
You don't know the kids, and they don't know you.
The first night of foster care is often a blend of excitement and apprehension for both the foster family and the child. It's a time of transition and adjustment, where the child navigates a new environment and the foster family learns about the child's needs. It's important to be prepared for potential challenges and to create a welcoming and supportive environment.
Here's some things that will help you make the first night more comfortable:
Ask "Are you hungry?" Kids who are hungry might be too afraid to ask for food from someone they don't know.
Ask about foods they like and make a list to buy things they are used to. It may not be worth your time and energy to try to change all their habits in the first week or two.
Give them a tour of your house.
Give them a special place to keep their things so that no one will touch. But...keep a plastic tub ready for all clothes and other items brought in your home.
House rules can wait, but do give instructions for bathroom at night, what to do if he/she gets scared or needs you during the night, your room location, and what to expect the next morning..
Give your child a comforting item like a stuffed animal or cozy blanket if he/she did not bring anything with him/her.
Suggest a bath or shower for the first night if your child does not seem overwhelmed.
Focus on safety (if needed). Show the child the doors are locked, an alarm has been turned on (if applicable), and talk about how safety is a priority for you.
Ask if nightlights are needed and ask the child where they would like you to put them.
Ask if they prefer the door of the bedroom open or closed.
Leave a nonperishable snack or two and a bottle of water (if age appropriate).
Ask if they would like to talk about your home, their family, or feelings they are having.
Ask if you could read a story with the child and/or say a prayer with them before bed.
Other things to expect on the first night and beyond:
For the Foster Family:
Be Prepared for Overwhelm: The first night can be emotionally challenging for both the foster family and the child. It's important to acknowledge your own feelings of nervousness, confusion, and excitement.
Have a Plan: Consider creating a basket of essentials for the child, including snacks, pajamas, and comfort items.
Focus on Safety and Comfort: Ensure the child's bedroom is safe and welcoming. Provide a nightlight, consider their preferences for blankets, pillows, and sleepwear.
Establish a Routine: Even a simple bedtime routine can help the child feel more secure. This could include a bath or shower, brushing teeth, and reading a story.
Be Empathetic: Recognize that the child is likely feeling scared, sad, or confused. Be prepared to offer comfort and reassurance.
Allow Alone Time: Don't feel pressured to ask too many questions right away. Give the child time to adjust to their new surroundings and build trust.
Prepare for Questions: Children may have questions about the family, pets, and their new routine. Be patient and understanding.
Focus on Building Trust: Foster care is about building a strong and supportive relationship with the child. Make an effort to connect with them and show them that you care.
Consider External Support: Reach out to a support group or counselor for foster parents to help you navigate the challenges of foster care.
For the Child:
Expect a New Environment: The first night will likely be different from the child's previous home. They may be feeling anxious about the change.
Don't Be Afraid to Ask for Help: Encourage the child to ask questions or share their feelings. Let them know that you are there for them.
Embrace Routines: Routines can provide a sense of security and predictability. Help the child adapt to the new routines as you can.
Find Comfort Items: If possible, allow the child to bring comfort items from their previous home. These can help them feel more connected to their past.
Be Patient: It takes time for a child to adjust to a new home. Be patient with the child and allow them to process their feelings.
Express Your Feelings: It's okay for the child to feel a range of emotions during this transition. Let them know it's okay to feel scared, sad, or confused.
Focus on the Positive: Highlight the positive aspects of their new home and the opportunities it provides.
Remember to Laugh: Find moments to connect with the child and share some laughter.